kingofthehilltoday:

parakeet:

im so thankful for bread and what its done for us as a society. u can put so many things on it. u can toast it. u can dip it in soup. where would we be without you bread. in a bad fucking place let me tell you

darkcomedies-deactivated2022042:

darkcomedies-deactivated2022042:

when writing the romantic subplot of futurama they had no idea how important the himbo X girlboss dichotomy would be to the youth in the 2020’s

blue print

cacen:

:

*ships m/f couples but in an un-mistakably bisexual way*

politijohn:

When we begin eating the rich, Bernie says start with Elon Musk

bluntforceheadtrauma:

we fucking on the autopsy table tonight

wifislim:

msaprildaniels:

sexhaver:

someone on r/legaladvice was sick of their coworker stealing their food out of the fridge so they started labeling it “POISON - DO NOT EAT” in sharpie on both the bag and the food’s wrapper every day and the person still kept stealing it so after a week they added a bunch of laxatives to their food and the thief had to go to the hospital and could possibly sue OP. the general consensus was that OP was technically objectively in the wrong from a legal standpoint but there is 0% chance of them being convicted in criminal court because that would require finding 12 jurors who would rule in favor of someone stealing food labeled “POISON - DO NOT EAT” and then getting poisoned

“Not guilty by reason of fuck that guy.”

katskrochet:

My latest cross stitch finish, a cowboy bee on 18ct opalescent aida.

Pollen ain’t gonna dispense itself! 🤠🐝